Cheetahs In My Shoes

living with the imaginary menagerie and all that it entails

Self Doubt Statistics

9 Comments

Yesterday was my first real blogging day of self-doubt – we’ve reached Day 11 of NaBloPoMo and I’ve done a post a day.  I’ve enjoyed it and enjoyed the focus, deeply grateful for the steady supply of material that the Cheetah Keeper provides me with.

Reflecting (that’s the current word for ‘thinking’ on the business skills courses I’ve been on recently) on it, it’s been a week of self doubt, mainly caused by the ever escalating battle to get the Cheetah Keeper the medicine that he needs to help keep his nosebleeds under control.  I will write about the medicine battle soon, but until I’ve sought some more help (which yesterday I finally accepted I need) I will wait.  Suffice to say that telling me that it is “cost issue” does not help.

As I’ve battled through the fog of mental and physical exhaustion (just because you are tired does not necessarily mean you sleep…) I’ve been ready to give up work, my volunteering and pretty much everything else – with the ‘reasoning’ that being at home would give me enough time to do battle with the housework, the NHS and making sure that the children are getting the support they need to thrive at school.  My concentration has been appalling, the packed lunches (although completely demolished) have not exactly been the picture of balanced nutritious & delicious morsels to get the Cheetah Keeper through his day at school and I have found myself standing in places with absolutely no idea why I’m there (or maybe that’s just me getting old).

Yet what have I done?  I’ve blogged – and as far as I can work out, what I’ve written has made sense, people have read it and left me some lovely comments.  But in looking at my comments, I’ve also become a little obsessed about looking at my stats – which then links onto this weeks BritMums blog prompt.  This week it reads:

Stats, Rankings and Accolades- Important? Worthless? Dangerous? Unhealthy? Inspirational? What do they mean to you and should the parent blogging world even bother?

Last weekend I didn’t think I could write about stats and yet a week later and being in a kind of different ‘place’ here I am.  When you’ve embarked on writing a post a day for a month, I guess you kind of hope that you’re not doing it vain!  I’ve joined in with some seriously experienced bloggers who write beautiful, inspirational, informative and clever blogs and with some other newbies who are writing amazing stuff whilst finding their way through this phenomenal network that is parent blogging.

When I was awarded the Versatile Blogger and Liebster Blog I was thrilled to bits – as a new blogger recognition by my peers was a real boost.  I’m not sure I have the time/energy/inclination/mental stability to embark on the journey into ratings, but the more I think about it, I do want someone to read what I’ve written.  So I was perfectly happy with under 10 visits a day at the beginning – and then I had an amazing day for me and suddenly the stats got a bit more important.

Really important?  In the grand scheme of things?  Absolutely and completely not.  But they lurk at the top of my blog – all the time.  Those little lines popping up and down that give you a boost as they grow and drop off so quickly that I think (in aforementioned fog of irrationality) that what I’m writing is complete garbage and has no right to take up its little corner of the internet.

Hence the self doubt – was a post a day for a month really a bit much?  Are people amused by the Cheetahs and does talking about our medical conditions either help or interest anyone?  Am I essentially just rambling for the sake of a set of initials and the opportunity to be congratulated on ‘keeping at it’?  Maybe.  I’m also quite enjoying it though.  It’s making me think, it’s making me sit down and let the creative part of mind work.  It’s making me look at the world around me and how we fit into it – what annoys me and what makes me laugh.  I have ideas for posts zinging into my head in all sorts of situation (I think my views on the what the girl in Sainsburys was being allowed to do with the trolley probably ought to stay firmly just as thoughts though) and I’ve spent some wonderful time with the Cheetah Keeper as he expands the world of the imaginary menagerie.

Will I keep looking at my stats – certainly.  Is it healthy for me to look at my stats at the moment – probably not.  Self-doubt (I think) is something that every parent experiences at some point; the world of parent blogging is a great way for others to realise that they’re not alone and that things do change, more often than not, for the better.  When you’re in that place though, it’s hard – really, really hard.

 

Author: Jenny

Life, photos and recipes mixed with family life, additional medical needs and a whole load of imaginary friends

9 thoughts on “Self Doubt Statistics

  1. When you say “When you’ve embarked on writing a post a day for a month, I guess you kind of hope that you’re not doing it vain!” – it kinda felt like it would be in vain for you if the stats weren’t better…. For me there are a whole load of reasons why I’m doing it – to get into the habit of regular writing, to see what it’s like to write regularly and see if I like it, to improve my blog and sort out a bit for myself why I’m doing it and what I’m going to be blogging about, to build more into the network of bloggers and yes, also to see more people visiting my blog. You write some great posts and people read them AND you’re enjoying yourself….. all good!

    • Thank you – it’s been a tough old week medically in this house, sometimes it takes a prompt to make you stand back and look at the whole situation – but when the fog around you is thick, sometimes it skews your view. x

  2. So easy to get seduced by the stats – I think you just have to ride it and know that everyone goes through it from time to time.

    It’s funny how some posts are almost ignored while others attract a huge amount of attention – sometimes it’s hard to see why but I’m pretty sure it’s not the quality of the writing. It’s just that some appeal more than others or that comments attract more comments.

    For me it’s my regular readers that keep me going – lovely obviously to have new ones but some have become old friends and I really value their comments.

    As long as I have them then I never feel like it’s in vain.

    Oh, and in case there is any doubt – I’m loving reading about the Cheetahs 🙂

    • Oh thank you – I’m glad you’re enjoying them! I have begun to wonder whether the times I can blog suit the times that people who read the blog can read and all sorts of other stuff (quality of writing, length, the fact that the Cheetahs are a slightly bonkers topic etc) – as I said in my other comment, sometimes when you’re in the fog, it’s easy to question and hard to see the reality.

      The Cheetahs have been perfecting their super powers today – seeing up, over and through things…and have glow in the dark lights all over them for the evenings… of course.

  3. Everyone suffers self-doubt at times, especially parents and especially when you are being challenged by a situation, it can leave you feeling lost and confused. I admire you for taking up the ‘writing a post every day’ challenge (sorry cant remember the name), but you seem to be enjoying it and if people are reading, which Im sure they are, then its worth it. I think everyone can get a bit caught up in stats and if they say they dont they are not being truthful.

  4. I know EXACTLY what you mean when you say you were happy with X amount per day then you have a good day and suddenly you have a new addiction! Keep it up. Blogging is good for you on sooo many levels, from a fellow addict!! xxx

  5. we all get sucked into the stats debate! mine have only started to get really good (for me) recently and even then they are average compared to many other bloggers!! i have been blogging since april 2010 and it took me a year until i started writing posts that were more personal and more about me – i didn’t have the confidence to really let go and write. i have to say that blogging is quite therapeutic – i hope you feel the same its a release really to let off steam and hopefully get some friendly comments back.
    your blogging is amazing and your subjects so unique – its quite wonderful.
    so don’t get stuck in the stats and rankings – there a lot more to it then that and visits and comments will creep up xx

  6. Hey…

    I guess the question is why do you write? Those stats things aren’t that accurate anyway. If the blog becomes about the stats then you’ll find yourself pulled down the path that makes you pick subjects simply because you know they’ll have a higher hit rate. Now that’s fine if you’re trying to make money out of a blog, but arguably leeches the blog of your honest voice if you are more lead by how popular a post might be than whether or not it expresses what you wanted it to.

    My blog is a pretty niche subject matter, it’s not something that the whole parenting world will be interested in, as cool as I think wheelchairs and feeding pumps are, the rest of the parenting world has their own set of worries and hang ups. If, however, I get to help some people out with all the information I’ve accumilated, and meet some fabulous writers along the way then brilliant, I’ve achieved my aim. I raise my eyes at the stats monitor occassionally, perhaps get a bit scared about the faceless people that know rather intimate details about my family, but that’s about it. Of course the advantage for me of getting people to retweet etc is trying to hook up with other parents who have children like Dominic and trying to get a bit more understanding out there

    Comments will tell you much more, as they are from the people that you know you are connecting with… like, um, ah, really cool children’s authors who love what I’ve written 😉 As you can tell by the jumping up and down all over the internet, that means far more than how many people have accidently clicked on my site x

Thank you for your comments! The Cheetahs and I really appreciate them.

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